“Feminists are the worst”

“you caved to pressure from SJW rhetoric. It’s the same kind of vitriolic garbage that caused things like gamergate and the stuff con-artists like Anita Sarkeesian thrive off.”

 

“It’s pretty clear to me you guys folded over one very stupid and unreasonable complaint by a feminist.”

 

Parents

It seems to me, that when parents have daughters, life becomes complicated. This isn’t because of the daughters, but the instinct within the parents to protect their children. It sounds really reasonable, even if you have a feminist approach to life, reality is very real and finite when you consider throwing your child into the world.

Covering up your daughter’s eyes to not make her see possible influential images of women showing off their bodies, to somehow prevent them from doing so themselves, in an attempt to protect them from potential harassment, rape or worse. All the while, from a feminist perspective, it’s not the women who are to blame when they are victim of said crimes. Generally, it doesn’t even matter how you dress. Women get harassed, just because of their gender, period.

 

Shame on you little girl

When it comes to the subject of showing off your body, if it comes from the actual person’s initiative (important detail), should not be the “wrong” thing to do. Both men and women judge women’s bodies and the way they dress*, and it doesn’t actually matter in what direction of the ‘sexy’ scale, it’s never good enough.

Body shaming happens to men too, especially when they are considered to be “fat” by others for example, but still so very much less.

*) includes catcalling, insults, dress too short, dress too long, too much cleavage, not enough makeup, too much makeup, top too short, belly too big, breasts too small, not enough smiling, too much smiling, too sexy, too prude, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

 

Body positive

So when it comes to feminism, most of the feminists I’ve seen and read, are pro-choice, sex-positive, body-positive. When you can’t ever do anything right in the eyes of the straight-male-gaze, the best approach is to combat body shaming, self deprecation and be happy about who you are and what you look like.

It gets really complicated when the choice is not yours, but when it comes from a movie script or director for example, because when we wind back time to the pre-body-positive era – women had to appeal to the straight-male-gaze and were, and still aren’t considered equal to those men. So is this choice coming from the movie script that portray the woman as a full person And body-positive, or is there really no person to speak of beside the body parts.

Game developers are in the same realm of “it’s complicated”, where they have to find a way to develop characters as people first regardless of gender or body type.

General line of thought: if the person is an actual person first, you know, like you’d write your male characters, then there are no rules about bodies – although always by choice, even if “inconsistent” with their general way of expressing themselves.

Ok, maybe if you have Anita Sarkeesian judging your game you might have to go the extra mile to rise above the generic sexist movie script. It’s complicated.

 

Back to the parents

Is this parent concerned and hiding their daughter from the Internet a feminist? Probably not. Based on the victimizing the daughter that is… Based on body positivity, or lack of, it’s still complicated.

But as a parent, life is even more complicated. And their worries aren’t invalid. Perhaps misguided about the the cause of their worry.

 

Either way

It was interesting to read all the unfiltered rage.

Ok, I enjoyed the talk about butts on twitter more.

 

Butts

 

 

 

 

Things you learned as a kid #2

#experimentingwithshorterwriteups

You’ve probably learned these phrases, or equivalent in your language:

  • “You throw like a girl”
  • “Crying like a girl” *
  • “Grow a pair and just do it”
  • “You’ve got some balls …”
  • “Sissy”
  • “Man up” *

These things are wrong to say – not because “it’s not nice and you should be more politically correct” – but because of how these phrases were designed. All of them favor the so called masculinity over femininity, usually they are in gender role context, and all of them are obviously patriarchal.

In this day and age some of these things have been somewhat adopted by women as well, even though they are still connected to the ideas of masculinity. Or maybe the woman is like “well I am a girl” when confronted with the ‘joke’; “You throw like a girl!”, but it doesn’t negate how they’re meant.

When you say “Oh grow a pair” to a person of any gender, you inherently aren’t just saying “be more confident, get over yourself and #justdoit”, you are always saying “a man can do this, you should be able to do it too”.

There’s no reason you can’t say things like this with similar meaning (bad throwing, be more confident, wow you’re brave… ok maybe ‘sissy’ is just completely insulting beyond repair?), but please stop falling back to the patriarchal gender roles.

*) credit to @GinaTonix for reminding me of these

On why we need feminism and why thinking you want equality isn’t enough

Disclaimers:

  • I’m not schooled in the facts, history, art or anything of feminism, I’m just seeing things that are fucked up in the world.
  • I’m generally disappointed in the way I wrote this blogpost, but still wanted to post it anyway
  • Sorry in advance if you’re equally disappointed.
  • Obvious misogynist behaviour talk is left out in this post because… those things are obvious, everyone on the Internet can enjoy that shit every day.

Despite what you might have perceived from the world of feminism and whatever you might think of equality, there’s a big chance you probably don’t know you yourself are contributing to the patriarchy. Within this space both men and women are maintaining current society’s separation and misconception of what they think of what a woman is and what a man is, which feeds into the unequal treatment of all sexes and all genders. The problem feminism is trying to solve, is not just the end goal of equal treatment of all sexes and genders, but making people aware that the root of the problem lies in the un-equality that our society has normalised so much that we’re not aware we’re participating in it every day.

I’m not here to blame anyone, nobody is perfect; not me, not you, not anyone. We all grew up learning how the world works and it’s ingrained in everything that we do now, whether we want it or not. It’s just that how the world currently works, is wrong. From the moment you were born and your parents learned your sex, you were treated and thought of un-equally through gender roles. Even when your parents would be like “oh I don’t care as long as he or she is healthy”, they applied gender roles as soon as you were born. Even if your parents do their best into treating and or teaching you to not apply them, your peers and teachers at school will soon undo the work and squeeze gender roles into your brain.

When you say you just want to treat people equally, you’re undermining the problems we face to be able to actually treat people equally. You’re not realising that you yourself have a picture or a list in your head of what woman and a man are, but aren’t aware that the majority of these points on these lists can actually be true for all genders. You’re not realising that you’re making excuses in the positive or negative based on sex differences while they should be applied to all sexes.

Even when you know what the concept of gender roles mean, you might not still be actually aware that not just you, but everyone, applies them in their daily lives in a subconscious or conscious manner. Almost every company you see uses gender by default to make separation of products and services they sell, more than not done by applying gender roles. Expectations of anyone that is surrounded by these large amounts of unnecessarily gendered products feed into the endless cycle whether you want it or not. Almost everyone subconsciously applies gender roles when having some kind of opinion about what someone is saying, showing or wearing, which feeds into the normalisation of gender roles.

When talking about feminism and “fighting the patriarchy” we’re not talking about fighting men, we’re talking about fighting society’s normalisation of privileging men and equalising the playing field for all genders.

Equality for women is such a big thing in this equation because they are most apparently affected, and you can actually make legislation around the specific issues that women face in the world. But even when everything possible has been done to deal with these issues, the underlying problems will most likely remain until society is actually aware of how unequal and gender-role influenced their behaviour is.

Disregard what you think you know is true and look around you, and you’ll understand that just saying you want equal rights, probably won’t be enough.

Optional bonus rants if you want to read more.

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