#unscripted – I don’t understand how life happened

I’m 31 years old and somehow life is here and gone by. Everything that seemed to be so significant in the past, really wasn’t.

Somehow I’m only now grasping at the incredible privilege I’ve had that I just got this bachelor degree, got jobs, got a place to live in, and I don’t understand why.

Life in the Netherlands is very different from any movie you’ve seen that involved schools. There are no fancy school balls, no dorms, no fancy graduation gowns and ceremonies. I can hardly remember school. I learned things, I think. But all 3 school levels were just a blur of general brain building without memorable events. Brain building is a good thing, important thing, so important, but I can imagine people in later life forgetting about that. It’s easy to forget and suppress school.

It’s also easy to forget the privilege involved in these things. I was born at the right time, from the right parents. I was able to live at my parents’ for the entire time, our government payed for most of all 3 schools throughout my life. And because I somehow ended up being ok enough and finished things in time, I was gifted the money owed by our gov. Something that has changed since.

I think I did some of things by myself, I passed tests and exams, I got internships and jobs by myself, did the work by myself. At least I think I did. But it did involve a lot of help I wouldn’t have gotten if I was born somewhere else or at a different time.

And now I have some kind of job, live on my own, can somehow pay for so much. So much. And I don’t understand why, anymore.


#unscripted – Learning to swipe right

I’m so new to this – not just Tinder – but even just having a conversation with anyone, that I have every reason to hide under the bed and never get out from under it.

One can say a lot about the people on Tinder, but you know we all like and dislike certain things, but in the end we’re all different despite the similarities you see sometimes. There’s a lot of people to swipe right in the world, and some are fine to do it just by a glance at someone’s pictures. Most people seem to have some kind of type it seems and can swipe left and right accordingly.

Me, not so much. I like a lot more people, which is actually a problem. Because it makes me having to rely on personality, which is a big unknown even when some has a long description with the emoji’s signifying what things they like in life. More often than not, it doesn’t actually say anything, and I have to somehow figure out who someone might be through their photo’s.

Currently my “strategy” is to swipe left, unless there are some really big hints going on that I could swipe right, because that’s when I put my phone away and hope the decision goes away without me actually swiping right.

Which isn’t just really silly, it’s actually problematic that this is somehow a really big deal in my head. It shouldn’t be. But what if I’ll actually be faced with having to have an actual conversation with someone I don’t know. What’s up with that. How. Can’t I just watch Netflix instead? It’s so much easier. Life is so much easier when you don’t have to socialize with other people… But I know sometimes it’s worth it, even if it’s scary.

So here’s to more swiping to the right without thinking too much about it.

But let me watch this series on Netflix first…