We’re not part of the Internet

Being human is hearing and reading other humans say you’re social creatures. And we are, but mostly, we’re not. This isn’t because we don’t want to be social with other people, it’s because of the option not to.

Our brains are not part of the Internet, nobody (yet?) is able to actually see what’s going on in your brain. Unless you yourself decide to tell someone what you’re thinking about and what feelings you have about these things, there’s no way of someone else knowing exactly what that is.

What’s interesting to realize, is that this doesn’t just apply to your brain, but to others as well. You don’t know what your friend, neighbor, prime minister or whoever else are really thinking, either. You may think you know because of what they say, do or don’t say, but you really don’t actually know.

Being human is not hard because of not really knowing if someone else will care about what you’re thinking about, but because you think you’re the only one freaking out and worrying about these things.


[spoiler] SW7: About this new Death Star

I’m no physicist, but it seems to me they made this new death star partially believable. Partially.

So, one could imagine somehow harnessing a star and draw power from that to destroy a planet. The stream of matter moving from a star to the death star’s energy collector seems to be inspired by how 2 stars would compete on each other on gravity and attract each other’s matter. Also the hypothetical Dyson sphere could be part of it, although that would probably bigger than the planet that is the new Death Star.

But what’s important here to consider is gravity, or well, the warping of space-time. Because whether you attract just new energy or actual matter from another object that wasn’t already a part of you, adds to your gravity. So as the energy intake increases, the mass and gravity would increase as well. Even if the planet could withstand the pull of star that a Dyson sphere could do, or was somehow protected from it, the people and everything else flying around it would not be protected from it.

Meaning by the time all the star’s energy was taken in, it would also have squished the people on it, and buildings, and trees, and crashed all the spaceships around it. The slowing down (or faster? errr time dilation is complicated) of time would probably be less relevant at that time since anyone caring about it would be dead. It could probably work if it was remote controlled, but that would probably be less exciting.

I can also imagine the collapse of the planet would form another star. Though I wouldn’t know if it would form that quickly as it did in the movie. But who knows, it might.

Still, nice try.

Awesome movie.

Things you learned as a kid that were cool, but really weren’t

As soon as kids start to group up at school you’ll learn things your parents probably didn’t tell you about at all. Like the latest videogames and all the cool toys, for example. Let’s admit to ourselves that we probably were a bunch of spoiled brats, whatever the other kids had – you wanted it too, and your parents were in constant desperation about whether or that would be ok or how to bring the “request denied” with the inevitable aftermath.

But it didn’t stop there, you would get educated by your fellow cool kids what was cool to wear, to say and to act like. Despite you being included with the cool kids if you followed this trend, most of them were probably not ok at all.

It depends on country, region, type of school, traditions and what not, but here’s a list that will probably include something you encountered and didn’t think twice about at the time:

  • ridicule the fat kid
  • shit on the boy playing with dolls
  • girls (or boys) are stupid / icky
  • refuse girls from playing soccer
  • ridicule the momma’s boy
  • ridicule the kid who brought healthy food
  • insult the kid who wore glasses
  • shout at the brown kid he looks like poop
  • laugh at the kid that wore speedos instead of shorts at the pool
  • laugh at the boy who tried out a dress during a dress-up day
  • laugh at the kid who thought X while you were convinced it was Y
  • yell at the kid that didn’t hit the ball right
  • singing kid 1 likes kid 2
  • push kids 1 and 2 together and make them kiss
  • yelling fag at the kid who uses feminine hand motions
  • shoving around the kid who didn’t have any friends

I’m sure whoever reads this can think of plentiful more examples.

It’s not just that we had the need to fit in at the time, it’s that the kids that got bullied weren’t the only ones affected by this. Being on either side makes you believe and build foundations where you grow up believing there’s some kind of norm people should abide to or be treated as the outcast. (Not to mention the racism, homophobia, gender roles, fat shaming and whatever else)

The question is though, how would you combat this behavior while kids this age all struggle to get attention and want to belong somewhere. Is there even something anyone can do? Or is it something we need to accept that happens and educate our kids at a later stage where they can understand how fundamentally fucked up things were in those days.

I could say that everything gets better when you grow up, but really, some people really get shafted by an environment that decided to ignore all logic reasoning and live by what they learned from other kids instead of what they learned from their teachers at school.

Mostly normal

TLDR: I’m kinda non-binary pan.

I don’t want to pretend I’m anything beyond the description “mostly straight cis male”.

But even if you’re comfortable with yourself, life always throws something at you where you’d really appreciate a proper label to use in some cases. No matter how badly you want to resist, there are way-way-way too many examples of binary cis hetero-normativity in life to keep you comfortable if you can’t relate to that.

I may not be able to say I’m gay or bi or pan, nor can I say I’m trans or fluid. But what I can say, is that I do Not feel straight, I do Not feel cis.

When you grow up there’s always shit other kids throw at you if you don’t conform the standard. I was one of those kids that people thought was gay. Luckily, where I live, most kids, did not usually mean it as an insult, most of them usually were like “it’s ok if you are, but like, are you gay?”. Having heard that said to me many times, I’ve quickly learned to be non-defensive about it, I answered “no”, that’s all.

Later in life people assume you’re gay instead of asking, and at that point I was fine with them thinking that. Because really, I slowly started to understand that usually it was just based on the level of femininity I’ve shown, and I was ok with me being like that. I didn’t want to be more masculine. And later in life you actually understand that they were even wrong with directly correlating femininity with being gay.

Even before my hair was this long, people on either the phone or in real life sometimes have called me madam, I never found myself correcting them, because I didn’t mind.

You’re never really done with learning about yourself, as I hope you’re also never really done learning anything else for that matter.

But here’s my identity so far:

I often think about I would want to say that I really wouldn’t have minded if I was born a girl. But I’ve learned to be happy with who I am, like I am now, even though I dislike a lot of things about the actual body I have, my happiness doesn’t depend on it. I have moments where I get really inspired to be a girl, but knowing myself I know I would be way too lazy and would rather spend the little time I have on other things that make me really happy.

I’m straight by habit and girls are a large weakness for me since forever, but the more I get used to it, the more I feel myself falling for any gender. But again, strange as it may sound, I learned to be happy without needing to be in such a relationship, or rather, I unlearned the because I found out that, for me personally, that learning to love made every other kind of romantic feeling feel rather small in comparison. Having a major crush on someone feels nice (and horrible), sure, but it doesn’t really last. So I’m ok with learning to love people and not to have a partner of some kind. For now.

I don’t have a label I can put on these things, and really, that doesn’t feel great. But while I figure that out for myself, I can at least put this out there. I really hope that other people like me don’t fall into the trap of forcing yourself into binary straight box when you know deep down you aren’t like that.

I’m not the activist type, but I do hope you at least not help feeding into assuming gender and sexuality like so many people do. I might not have struggled that much, but others have while trying to fit themselves into this binary world. Growing up is hard enough as it is, we don’t need this binary and hetero-normativity nonsense to add to it.